


Castiel x Reader One Shots

by PerplexedFlower



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, One Shot Collection, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24589657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerplexedFlower/pseuds/PerplexedFlower
Summary: This is a collection of one shots about Castiel from Supernatural, in which I will exclusively pair him with the Reader/you.Each chapter marks a new one shot.
Relationships: Castiel (Supernatural)/Reader, Castiel (Supernatural)/You, Castiel/Reader, Castiel/You
Kudos: 16





	Castiel x Reader One Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a very unfortunate series of events has fallen upon the bunker's residents, [Y/N] blames herself for all of it and takes a lethal decision ... Until Castiel catches her just in time to stop her.

I stepped inside Dean's empty room and closed the door behind me slowly. Quietly, I walked to the bed and held the blade tighter in my hand; I stood beside the bed and stayed like this for a couple of seconds. I looked straight in front of me and, letting my body go numb, I let myself fall to the floor. Dean's razor blade still in hand, I got my legs closer, folding them, after what I rolled up my jeans' sleeves: I took a deep breath and gritted my teeth in anger as the old cuts from a few weeks ago revealed themselves to me. I glared at them intensely and everything turned black. It all came back to me: the hunt that had gone wrong, Sam's death that had followed, how Dean and Castiel helped me bring him back, how much we fought for him, the nightmares I started having again, and how it worsened my depression. And all of this resulting in me, carving my legs, making them bleed in pain. I passed a thumb on them gently one last time, then I pulled down my sleeves and covered back my scarred legs. As I looked at my left arm, I opened my hand to reveal the blade; I grabbed it with my other hand and was about to slide it against my skin when I suddenly felt my head spinning all around, giving birth to a headache. I looked up at the ceiling and squinted my eyes in pain: I started hearing Sam's voice calling me for help, the same way he would do it in my nightmares. I closed my eyes shut and started shaking my head from left to right.

"I can't do this anymore..." I whispered to myself.

I looked back down at my arm and tried to ignore the voices as I finally slid the blade onto my skin; in one breath, I pressed it harder and managed to make it go through just slightly, cutting the surface of my skin. I clenched my fist as my arm was already starting to bleed a little. I moved the blade to another spot and dived it through the skin, just a little deeper than the first one. I cut myself a third time and knew it was yet even deeper when I caught myself squinting my eyes tightly as the pain was intensifying. I looked beside my leg, on the floor, and started to see a reddish pud of blood taking shape, born from the drops dripping down my arm. I sank the blade a fourth time into another side of my arm when the doorknob started rustling: swiftly, the door opened, and Castiel appeared in front of me.

"I can't believe Dean forgot his ph-"

Castiel looked down and cut himself short as he laid his eyes upon me; visibly confused, he furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth slightly. We looked at each other for a second, staying silent.

"... -one, again..." He finished slowly, whispering. "Uh... [Y/N], what... What are you doing here?"

I looked away and shook my head slightly, hiding my face.

"N-Nothing..." I simply mouthed, unable to speak.

Tilting his head, Castiel stared at me from where he was.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a grave tone.

Without even waiting for a response, I saw him take a few steps closer to me, his angelic grace slowly shadowing over me. I looked up briefly and met with his eyes for a split second.

"I'm fine, C-Cas..." I said softly.

My heartbeat started to speed up, and I knew it would keep on accelerating with the seconds passing.

"No, you..."

Sighing calmly, Castiel kneeled in front of me and took a closer look at me.

"[Y/N], you seem-..."

I sensed his glance on me as he was talking, and before I could even think of hiding it, I felt him grab my arm firmly. Feeling the pressure on my wrist, I opened my hand out of surprise and dropped the blade, which landed next to Castiel's foot; I saw him look down at it and furrowing his eyebrows even more at its view.

"[Y/N], what is this? And what are you doing with it?..."

Looking back up at me, he tried to stare directly into my eyes, but I kept on looking away, avoiding his sight. Still holding my right arm up next to me, he looked at my other arm and immediately let go of his grip as he saw the blood dripping from it. He tried to grab it as well but I kept it covered before he could land a hand on it.

"[Y/N], what is this?" He repeated, a slight hint of anger in his voice.

"I-It's nothing..." I let out, a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Obviously it's not _nothing_ , [Y/N]. Show me your arm."

Wiggling and gesticulating around, I struggled to keep my arm hidden from Castiel's reach; but struggling against an angel, especially in the state of mind I was in was no point. I gave up and let Castiel grab my arm as I allowed the tears to fall down my face. His eyes widened and his grip loosened as he stared at my blood-covered arm. Shaking his head from left to right very slowly, I saw his eyes turn somewhat sad.

"[Y/N]... What are you doing to yourself?"

I pinched my lips together while sniffing, a defeated look on my face. Castiel moved his hand from my wrist to the back of my arm, which was still spared from scars.

"It must be really painful, here, let me heal you." He stated as he got his other hand over my scars.

I pulled on my arm harder and managed to make him let go of it.

"No, don't!" I said loudly.

Castiel opened his mouth slightly, as if he was about to say something, but closed it back and kept quiet.

"... Please, Cas, don't." I added in a softer tone.

Castiel sat down into a better position while sighing and looked at my arm with concern.

"... Is... Is this what humans call **scarification**?" He said with a hesitant voice.

I cried harder as I nodded in silence.

"... Self-harm, yes..."

"I see..." He said in a sigh. "Some angels do it too."

I looked up at him and tried to stare into his eyes despite my blurry vision.

"With their wings." He continued, giving a quick look at his back. "They clip them a little or tear a couple of feathers off them..."

I bit a corner of my bottom lip as I saw the look of devastation on Castiel's face.

"But... Why are you doing this?"

I closed my eyes strongly and took a deep breath.

"I... I need to, Cas..." I said after having marked a pause. "It's... It's something inside me that tells me I should do it..."

"And... It makes you feel better?"

I bit my lip once again.

"Well, it _physically_ hurts, but... It eases my mind, in a way."

Castiel looked at me in silence and I slowly started to feel embarrassed the longer he held his stare.

"... [Y/N], is this about Sam?" He suddenly said.

I turned my head to the side and sighed.

"Cas, I-"

"No, stop it [Y/N], we've talked about this, stop blaming yourself for what happened." He cut me off dryly.

"And how do I do this?" I replied harshly. "Do you know how it feels to carry this guilt with you, every single day? You tell me this isn't my fault, you _all_ tell me it wasn't my fault, but I know damn well it was!"

Castiel looked at me with concern, sitting in front of me in silence.

"It was _my_ fault if Sam got killed! If I hadn't rushed blindly into this haunted cabin without inspecting it first, Sam would have never had to run up to me and take a bullet for me like that!"

I grabbed the blade again and placed it against my arm.

"If I hadn't been so stupid, none of this would've happened..."

But before I could do anything, Castiel grabbed the blade from my hand and threw it across the room.

"No, [Y/N], stop it! I can't take more of seeing you hurt yourself like this!" He said loudly.

I looked straight in his eyes and felt my heart break as I saw the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Cas..."

"It's over now, it's all over." He said in a trembling voice. "Sam is back, we brought him back, you have nothing to worry about now..."

Castiel bit his bottom lip as more tears rolled down his face.

"So, please... Stop inflicting yourself so much pain..."

I shook my head rapidly as I felt the anger in me overflowing.

"But what if it happens again? What will we do when Sam will be gone again because of me, or Dean, or Jack, or you-..."

Suddenly, putting both of his hands on my cheeks, Castiel pulled me in and took me in his arms; bursting into tears in the crook of his neck, I held firmly onto his shirt.

"Tell me, Cas, what will we do..." I repeated, sobbing.

Wrapping me tighter in his arms, he rested his chin on the top of my head for a few seconds, his eyes closed.

"Shh, shh..." I heard him whisper to me, though I knew he needed to be reassured as much as me. "It's ok [Y/N], it's ok..."

Gently, Castiel moved his head and put his forehead against mine; grabbing both of my cheeks again, he left a trembling and warm kiss on my forehead. I put my hands on his and caressed them tenderly in silence.

"We've been through much together, you and I." He said while closing his eyes. "I see inside you. I see your guilt... your anger..."

Running his thumb up and down my left cheek, he sniffed, still crying.

"... You don't think you deserve to be saved..." He said slowly, his voice breaking halfway through his sentence. "That's not true."

I kept my eyes closed firmly and buried my head deeper into the crook of his neck.

"You know, I've been here for a very... long time." He started while caressing my hair. "I was convinced I was on this... righteous path... And I caused a lot of suffering."

He marked a pause, letting the silence overtake the room.

"... Now I realize that there is no righteous path."

Crying softly against his shirt, I felt Castiel's hands slide on my shoulders.

"Hey, [Y/N], look at me."

Opening my eyes back, I rose my head up and met with Castiel's ocean eyes.

"You don't have to be ruled by... _fate_. You can choose _freedom_." He told me in a determined tone. "I still believe that that's something worth fighting for."

Sliding his hands back up, he rested one of them in my neck and caressed my cheek with the other.

"... You know, this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you... I need you."

I looked away for half a second as I felt the tears flowing back up to the surface, then back at him.

"And I will not let you die."

"Cas..." I whispered, too moved to find any words to say.

He forced himself to look into my eyes and wiped my tears away with his thumb.

"You mean **too much** to me... To everything."

His lips started to tremble and I put a delicate hand on his cheek to try to calm him down.

"Please... "

I looked over his shoulder at the razor blade he had thrown to the other side of the room as he shook his head lightly.

"You're my family."

Castiel moved his face closer to mine, and all of sudden, for one brief moment, nothing else seemed to matter.

"I love you."

I felt my entire soul break into pieces as Castiel's weak and tired voice echoed through my mind.

"I-I..."

He took a deep breath through his mouth and looked away, but I immediately made him look back at me.

"I-I can't lose you..." He managed to say through his tears, keeping his eyes closed.

Slowly, I passed a thumb over his ragged lips and put just the tip of my nose against his.

"Cas..." I whispered against his lips, almost inaudibly.

Gently, he opened his eyes back and looked down at my lips; holding each other's faces, we both leaned in, so close I could feel his breath against mine. Hesitantly, I tilted my head and held his cheeks tighter as we kissed. Tears still running down my face, I felt Castiel's hands shake slightly from emotion then letting go of my face. Pulling away just faintly, I could still feel his lips brushing against mine: I felt my heart speeding up as I kissed him a second time, even more passionately than the first time. I slid my hands in his hair as he placed his on my lap, slowly moving his fingers up and down my legs. Pulling away a second time, I took a moment to catch my breath; my tears having completely dried off, I was able to look into Castiel's eyes freely. Taking his time to open them again, he looked back at me and sighed.

"... I love you so much..." He whispered in a breath while holding me tight.

Pulling me in for a warm hug, I rested my head against his chest and calmed down to the sound of his heartbeat.

"I know, Cas." I whispered back, a soft smile on my face. "I love you too... You're the light of my life, Cas, and I don't think I'd have the strength to fight if you weren't here..."

"Well, you don't have to fight alone [Y/N]." He said in a brief smile. "I will always be by your side."

Nodding lovingly, I blushed as Castiel left a delicate kiss on my cheek. Wiping his last few tears away, he stood up and pulled me up with him, a hand on my back.

"We should go back to Dean and Sam, don't you think?" He said warmly while rubbing my back. "They're going to wonder where we've been."

Putting an arm around his waist, I rested my head against his shoulder and smiled.

"Yes, good idea."


End file.
